It is not 2:34AM and I wish I knew where to begin; however, I do not. Again, I am a whirlpool of emotion and quite honestly don't know what I'm going to do with myself for the next year. There are many things which I have learned this week: my wrist which carried my bracelets on them over the past year needs SPF 50. I only partially knew that and unfortunately that has resulted in a terribly splotchy wrist, half pale, half fried. That leads to immense pain, for your information.
Something else I have learned this week: shark island is in fact not inhabited by sharks, but instead by shells. If only words could describe the uniqueness and beauty of it. It is completely flat land in the middle of the ocean blanketed with shells of all kinds, and sporadic pools of water throughout. All of it was absolutely breathtaking. And as I walked around the island, I noticed numerous conch shells, the ones you would think to only find in stores; most were partially buried in the sand. And as I picked up what I thought was a perfectly, non-broken conch, I only found it to have a hole on the other side, or a missing piece. And though it looked beautiful and perfect and matchless from a glance, looking closer only brought out the imperfections. So I went on looking for the 'perfect conch'. Tonight, I have reflected on my conch searching only to find I am searching for the perfect conch in multiple degrees. In many ways the 'perfect conch' is much like my future husband. I was looking for the conch that looked the best or 'felt' the smoothest, but when I took a good look, there were imperfections. Sometimes, when looking, I thought for sure the one in the midst of all the other shells would be the perfect one and I stepped across the painfully sharp shells in hopes to find the perfect conch, but in reality, it was just like the rest of the broken ones. I then knew, but it took pain to get to that conclusion. But like I found my perfect conch, I also have great faith that I will find my husband one day. I know that he's out there, I just haven't found him yet.
The beach this week produced many countless moments which I will never forget. I often found myself texting a friend telling them how much I wished they were there to share the moment with me. There seemed to be beauty in everything: the light patter of the rain, the dark bliss where all there is is you and the sound of the ocean. The adrenaline when you saw the silhouette of the crab scurry in front of you just before you stepped on it.
I decided to read Jeremiah this summer for my quiet time because of Jeremiah 29:11 that talks about how the Lord knows the plans for us to prosper. This summer, and throughout this next school year, I know that God is teaching me to trust him. I am prayerfully considering many things for my years after high school and have no idea what I am going to do. It baffles me to think I will know everything a year from now; however, in the mean time, it is extremely stressful. I do not know what this means but the first day I started reading the book, I realized God wants me to speak. I don't know what he wants me to speak about or who he wants me to speak to, but he gave me this verse.
But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. Jeremiah 1:7-9
I am learning to trust God over this next year, which will be a challenge for me. But I am choosing to trust.
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