A Beautiful Sheep

Oh, blogging, I have missed you. As I write this, I am putting off two quizzes and a test. If you have any questions regarding senioritis, please contact me. However, I want to talk for a short minute about a beautiful life I have been able to be a part of this year. Molly Smerko spoke in student lead morning prayer today. For those of you that don't know what that is, I go to an Episcopal school therefore we follow their traditions and rituals. We have morning prayer Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 20 minutes and chapel on Thursday for 45 minutes, roughly. On Friday's, we have what's called student lead morning prayer where students can talk as opposed to our chaplain. Since it is Winterfest week, we are having student lead morning prayer Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Today, Molly Smerko spoke. A little background on that as well. She is the first freshman to ever speak in morning prayer and she is in my bible study. She is a twin and she and her sister are the cutest things in the whole world, in all seriousness. I met her and her sister over the summer and they talked about how scared they were to come to high school and how they were afraid they were going to be the freshman that get pushed into the lockers and were simply dreading the next 4 years.

I have gotten to see Molly grow in her walk with Christ this year and it has been the most beautiful thing. She is not longer the timid freshmen; and that was made clear today. Her and I went through her talk yesterday and in talking to her and hearing her, I could tell she was very nervous. She was anxious to see what the feedback would be and Satan was getting in her head. I kept telling her to speak genuinely and just share what's on her heart. She kept saying she was afraid nobody would get anything out of it. But something she said Michael Harrison, also a senior, said was that we can't change people's hearts, only God can do that.

I kept telling her to speak from her heart, and God will bless that. I was able to sit beside her today during morning prayer; and I literally thought she was going to pass out from a panic attach before she went up. We were singing a praise song as we always do before the speaker comes up and she was extremely anxious, I could tell. I took her hand, closed my eyes, and asked God to overwhelm her with peace, for the students hearts to be receptive, and that God would speak through her for the next 10 minutes. The song ended and she went up there and spoke with such power I don't even have words to describe it. She seemed to have no nerves, she only glanced down at her notes a few times, and her talk was so relevant and everyone in the audience was silent. I had heard her talk the day before and it was like a completely different talk. I could almost feel the Holy Spirit filling the room. Her talk was on the passage John 10:1-10 and specifically on satisfaction. She talked about how she used to run to friends and how we, like sheep, are so stupid because we run to other things that won't satisfy us, like trying to jump over the fence when the gate is open. God is that gate and we as sheep are so foolish in trying to conquer it on our own. I, myself, got so much out of it. I was convicted that so many times try and take things into my own hands and run to things that won't satisfy me. She talked about when her friendships were going well, so was her relationship with Christ and visa versa because that's what she ran to. I find that so many times, that happens to me. She said that there is a difference between joy and happiness - that happiness is "I got an A on my test" but joy is mindset that we have when we are satisfied in Christ. God taught me so much in those just those few minutes, and gave me reminders of things I so often lose sight of.

When she finished, I wanted to get up and dance and cheer...but I didn't. All I know is that her life is an example to me and I am so excited to see where God is going to take her in life. She is so much farther ahead and wiser than I was at her age and that is beautiful thing to see.

Bottom line, I am beyond blessed to be in her life and so thankful God has worked so beautifully. And if you haven't met her, you should definitely do so because she's awesome, and she's a twin.

“Very truly I tell you Pharisees, anyone who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The one who enters by the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.” Jesus used this figure of speech, but the Pharisees did not understand what he was telling them.

Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:1-10

Once a Warrior, Always a Warrior

Well, I am halfway done with the college application process. I have a few remarks to say about those...for all of you who have not yet begun your college application process, as convenient as the Common Application sounds, do not be deceived my friends. When you fill in the last blank and sigh as you click the 'next' button in confidence and relief, you will find this so called "supplement". The Common App is both deceiving and malicious. You will find yourself filling out other seemingly worthless questions in this said supplement. You sure got me, Common App. Excellent joke - you must have oodles of friends.

However, on a much more sentimental note, my senior year has been whisked away faster than a mere blink of an eye, cliche as it sounds. My freshman year, my dear friend and I used to joke about how our senior year would be filled with so many 'lasts'. And how we would cry; no, weep, at these lasts. Well, I now look back at that sick joke and realize just how true it is. My last homecoming week, my last homecoming dance, my last homecoming dance drama, my last powderpuff game, my last first Wednesday of the month of October...you get the picture. But one such last I want to talk about for a short minute is my last football game.

Much to the team's dismay, two of the starters were injured at the beginning of the season and our team took a large hit (actually many) as a result. It was not the football season many of us expected, but looking back, I wouldn't have traded one minute of it. My cheerleaders are some of the sweetest, funniest, and best girls I know. We have grown closer as a team then any of the teams since my freshman year. Being a co-captain was such a blessing and I loved getting to see all the girls grow this year. At the last football game on October 29 at Northeast Academy, I had a very significant last. Going into the game, I was so excited and didn't think much of the 'last game' concept, but as the night grew, it started hitting me. My last first quarter, second and third, and finally fourth quarter. In that game, we cheered with the 'old motions', which were absolutely absurd. But for those last few minutes, repressed memories began to flood me. I knew it wouldn't be this way ever again. I was about to close a chapter in my life. And as I cheered for the final touchdown, a stream of emotions filled me. However, I had not cried. The clock struck 0:32, Amanda and I looked at each other, and called our final cheer; the one we close with every game. Through stomps and screams, we yelled 'you may be rough, you may be tough, but you don't have that warrior stuff' 3 more times. On the last time through, my eyes filled with tears. I struggled to get through the last few words, finished, and cheered my departing motions. I looked to my left to see Sloane crying also, and suddenly a felt less awkward. I looked to my right only to see a lake had formed by Amanda's tears. All of the cheerleaders assembled and silently walked over to the huddle for the last time. The last time we would surround them, the last time I would hear Coach Sutton's extraordinarily inspiring speeches. "Once a warrior, always a warrior" were the words that resounded through the huddle. The only thing keeping me from losing it was looking over and seeing Amanda's broken tear ducts supplying enough tears for all of us. After our final huddle, we left. So where did the time go? Wasn't it just last week, we made our first banner of senior year, were struggling to remember all the cheers, and sweating through our uniforms? Wasn't it just the beginning of fall? Oh, how I wish time would slow down, just for a minute.

And I go back to watchin' summer fade to fall
Growin' up too fast and I do recall
Wishin' time would stop right in its tracks

Seemingly Invincible

I must say it is an absurd, embarrassing state that I have not blogged in such a long time. I feel as if I have lost my touch for writing. And although I am in the midst of studying and completing the last of my college applications, I feel as if I must say one short thing. I am sitting here, listening to Owl City's version of In Christ Alone. A little side note, Owl City is my favorite, band/group/whatever they might be considered, and In Christ Alone is my favorite song. I always tell my mom that if I die early, I want that song to be played at my funeral. As morbid as that sounds, it is the absolute truth. It came out in their blog last night http://owlcityblog.com/2010/10/25/my-hope-is-found/ and I have been replaying it countless times, it's borderline shameful, but I'm a sucker for this song. This song makes me feel invincible. It takes me to a place where I feel no hurt, no pain - almost the equivalent to the days of childhood. Except instead of childhood innocence towards violence, suffering and pain, I know those things but more than that, I know my Jesus. I know that He has conquered those things and in Him, my hope, my life, my all is found in Him. It is a truly incomprehensible concept. And as I am sitting here listening nothing but the click of my keyboard, the light putter of the rain, and the voice of Adam Young, I am enthralled by God's beauty and love.

In Christ ALONE...

The Colors of the Morning are Inside Your Eyes, You're Beautiful

As I sit on the porch overlooking the beach, I find it almost humorous that I was 14,000 feet higher up two days ago. For those of you that don't know, for the past 8 days I have been in Wyoming backpacking with a group called Life of Adventure with 40 other people. Calling it an adventure would be an understatement. If only I knew what to say and where to begin; however, I will do my best.

We had to drive 6 hours from Salt Lake City where we all flew in to our first campsite. There was a small shower as we were driving in, but as we got closer, there was a double rainbow overshadowing the Elk Refuge. (the ironic thing was no one saw one elk...) I believe that rainbows are quite possibly the most beautiful and mysterious phenomenon. When we arrived at the campsite, there was a cloud that looked as if God was very gently blowing the corners of it.

There was also a beautiful sight once we got to the campground. Our tents faced the Tetons; the sun was setting and the clouds and mountain were both silhouetted and there was a small sliver of sunset between the cloud and the mountain. The next day, we took a hike around Jenny Lake. It was a beautiful 6-mile hike and half way through we stopped at a waterfall. There was a rock bed we all spread out on and were able to eat lunch and spend time alone with God.

After that we continued hiking around the lake. It was a successful trip except when I fell while crossing the river. Thankfully, there was no permanent damage done. The next two days, we ventured into the little town of Jackson Hole. It was such a cute little town with a park in the center. We spent two days in that town, the first we were able to have a 'free' day and just go around town. It was that day that, much to my dismay, dislocated and jammed my left pinkie finger. I was participating in an intense game of Ninja and my friend accidentally missed my wrist and hit the exact wrong place on my finger and jammed it; however, I did not feel it at the current time because I was giving 110% to the task at hand and in the zone. I am now suffering the consequences. The second day in Jackson Hole we went around evangelizing to people in the parks. My heart was very much burdened for the people in Jackson, many of them view nature as their god. It was so encouraging though, because one girl we talked to said, "I just don't know how you can't look around at the mountains and the beauty and not know there's a God." I found that very true throughout the entire week, the beauty of God was taken to a whole new level in my mind. After the two days in Jackson Hole, we went to another campground and were able to shower for the first time in 4 days. It was a wonderful experience. Below is a picture of me and my tent-mates before our shower. These are three absolutely wonderful girls - known as the "tenties". It originated from the term roomies but since we were staying in rooms not tents, tenties formed from it, and it stuck. So below are the tenties (from left to right) Me, Teigan Mitcham, Macey Simms, and Emma Smiley. As you can see, showers were much needed.

While we were on one of our day hikes, I collected a bouquet of flowers from the trail. Once we got back to our original location, I began to pass it around. It quickly received the name "The Love" and the love was passed around from person to person. I was in one of the all guys vans (because my plane landed late and they stuck me in the only open seat) and so I began passing it around the van. They then stuck it under the windshield wipers and it stayed there for the rest of the week. I loved my van - they were so wonderful...most of the time.

We went to a lake the day after Jackson Hole that had a large rock in the middle of it we could jump off of. The only catch was we had to swim out to the middle and the water was in the negatives. However, most of us withstood the cold and swam out to the rock. After all, our bodies got numb after a short while in the water. That lake brings back bittersweet memories though because it was that day that my camera broke. I did not do anything to cause the break, it just decided to stop working. So for the rest of the week, I had no pictures of my own. Therefore none of the pictures after this one are my own.

After two days in the second campground, we went to the back country. It was a 6 mile hike up about 11,000 ft and once we got there, we set our tents on a large rock bed. Our second day in the back country, we took a 9 mile day hike up to the Grand - the largest peak of the Tetons. It was quite possibly the most difficult physical activity I have ever done in my life. There were many times on the hike up I wanted to turn around. However, Sonya, the leader my friends and I were walking with said that the hike was much like our walk with God. We don't always know where He's taking us and sometimes it's so difficult, but the view is worth it. And anything in life that's worth it is going to take fighting for and hard work, but that's why it's worth it. She could not have been more true. Once we got to the top, the view was indescribable and pictures could not capture it. There was a lake with ice cubes, and mountains and valleys all around. There was snow and rock and grass and flowers. Everything. It was absolutely breathtaking.

After we finished taking in The Grand, we hiked back down to camp. We stopped midway at a lake because one of the guys was baptized by our leader, Jeremy Absher. It was a beautiful image to see and just showed God's indescribable beauty.

That night, most of us slept outside. I got sleep in between Teigan and Rey - one of the college sumer project leaders. I got to hear both of their testimonies, and let me just say they both have absolutely beautiful hearts and I am truly blessed to have gotten to know them. They are both wonderful people and make me laugh and are such solid believers. They're great. Sleeping under the stars reminded me so much of Kenya which was such a surreal feeling. I loved it, it was such natural beauty and it felt as if there was nothing between me and God. The next day, we hiked 6 miles back to the base. I hiked in my Chacos on the way down which left quite an interesting "tan" line.

That night, we stayed at a KOA (a not-really campground) and got to shower which was simply divine. Many of us got no sleep that night. My small group went out to Denny's and recapped the week until 3AM then came back and shared our last few hours together with everyone. I managed to get one hour of sleep, then woke up at 6AM to leave and catch my flight.

God taught me so much about Himself but the main thing I took away was His truth. I saw His truth displayed through the beauty of His creation, but it was also a central point talked about throughout the week. One of the main ideas we talked about was the lies we, personally, believe. I had never really thought about my one central lie, but on the trip I realized it. One night, Jeremy was praying and he said "may truth pour over our lies". That is something I am praying for, that God would pour truth into my life. On the hike down from the back country, we were told to walk in silence and reflect on the week and what God had taught us. For some reason, God kept bringing the verse from Amazing Grace that goes, "the Lord has promised good to me". That goes along with my lie, that God is going to bring GOOD to me, because He loves me. We can't realize the power of the cross until we realize the weight of our sins. God's love was shown to me in a new way. It was such an incredible experience, one I will never forget and I am so thankful God gave me eyes to see his beauty.

Love Still Believes When You Don’t

(I stole this picture from a good friend, Holly Kane. Thanks Holly!)

When they say summer goes fast, it's an absurd understatement. After Getaway, I did the unthinkable and went up to the north, to Pittsburgh, to do a mini internship with Silver Ring Thing. The people up there are some of my best friends - they bring out the best in me and make me a better person. They teach me to love, to be patient and so many other attributes. I am seriously so blessed and don't know what I did to deserve such amazing friends.

While I was up there I really thought about what it meant to wait, in the purity sense, so I thought I would look up what dictionary.com thought waiting meant. It gave me goosebumps when I read it, below are the results (keep in mind this is waiting in general):

1. to remain inactive as until something happens

2. to be available or in readiness

3. to postpone or delay something in expectation

4. to look forward to eagerly

5. to continue as one is in expectation of

6. to be reserved for

Number 6 particularity is absolutely incredible. These definitions were written in the secular sense but it perfectly exemplifies what it means in the sense I intended it for. Also, 'to wait in expectation' or 'to look forward to eagerly'. I am waiting so eagerly for my husband. I love him and I don't even know him - that feeling is both indescribably incredible and crazy at the same time. I am very much so a romantic and I often find myself wondering if I know him or not. It is completely absurd, yet it absolutely overjoys me when I start thinking about it. I feel like the little girl who tries on her mom's clothes - and imagines what it would be like to be old. Her time will come, but she has to wait. I think 1 Corinthians 13 is so intentional in the order. Love is patient is the first for a particular reason, I believe. In order to love and to find true love, you must be patient, not running to other things to pass the time or because it seems like the most convenient and fulfilling thing at the time, you must be patient and wait for God's best. I am waiting for God's best and want to know I'm wearing white on my wedding day for a reason. I can't wait to be head over heals in love, and I'm willing to wait.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:12-13

We'll Be a Dream

This blog will more than likely be short and sweet - I am feeling thoughtful and decided to write about it. Surprise, surprise. I have been thinking these past couple of days about how fragile life is. It is a cliche saying and although I strongly disapprove of cliche sayings, this one happens to be very true at this particular time. I have had to say goodbye to a lot of very close people in my life over the past two weeks and as morbid as it may seem, I have to wonder is this the last time I will see them. It very well could be. After all, in Matthew 6, it tells us not to worry about tomorrow for today has enough trouble of it's own. What I have learned from that and what I have learned from all my goodbyes? I've learned that when you love someone or care about them, tell them and make it known. Make it completely clear so they have no doubt in their mind. And when you miss someone, do the same. Sure, it might feel a little awkward or put you in a vulnerable position, but life is about not being comfortable. If you're comfortable with the way things are going, somethings wrong. Always stretch yourself. Always act as if it is your last day. This blog is almost too cliche for words, and for that I am sorry. But it is something that has been on my heart so I encourage those few of you to do the same.

I wish I could take credit for the picture; however, it is not my own. It is from the website beautyineverything.com, a website from which I get most of my inspiration from. Thus concludes my mini schpeel. God has been supernatural in my life this summer and I hope you are experiencing Him in the same way I am because, it's amazing. And my brother is in town for his 21 birthday with week. That is completely bogus. Alright, this blog is becoming a monotonous ramble. Love love.

Don't Let Your Hula Hit the Flo'

Seeing that it is now Saturday night and I still have not talked about Getaway, this blog is long overdue. However, I must say I have been very busy since my return. I unpacked and repacked the same bag the next day I got back because I had to catch a plane on Sunday to Pittsburgh, PA. Many of you may be wondering why Pittsburgh, it's not exactly the first place that comes to my mind when I think of "summer vacation"; however, I am interning with Silver Ring Thing for the week and their headquarters is here in Pitt. For those of you that don't know what Silver Ring Thing is, check it out (www.silverringthing.com) it's pretty much the bomb.com. Now, onto the purpose of this blog.

Getaway this year came and went before I could blink. For those of you that don't know, Getaway is a Student Venture retreat at Myrtle Beach, SC. It is always such an incredible experience; Tenth Avenue North is always the band and the speakers are always inspiring. This year brought many surprises and things I had no anticipated. Little did I know I was going to have strep throat for two days - starting on Monday night. It included a trip to the Minute Clinic - and it was there that the sweetest nurse helped me and I owe my speedy recovery largely to her. I must admit, I was extremely frustrated and discouraged because I wanted to have an encounter with God and experience Him like I do every year at Getaway and I felt as if I could not do that. However, God spoke to me in the most mysterious ways that exceeded my expectations that I would not have known had I been well. On the last night, the room was filled with the ecstatic cries of 600 students repeating "He loves me, Oh how He loves me". The reflection of the guitar was the only light that crept through my closed eyes. And when I opened them, nearly every hand was raised; it was such a beautiful moment, one that I will not forget for a very long time. I was also able to learn about the hearts of some of my best friends, who have incredible stories which I did not know before the retreat. I was so overwhelmed with God's love and His incredible power to change anyone. The fact my friend wants to use her past failures to impact others in the future is so encouraging to me. If only I had that kind of faith.

In addition to the wonderful fellowship I had with God, I also had an incredible time with my roommates: Megan Stahl, Makena Cummings, and Jaclyn Gerardot. On the last night, we got ready and had an hour to spare so we went "exploring". I came up with the idea that we should simply ride the elevators with our 5 pound bag of Sour Patch Kids and see where it took us. In the process we not only finished off the entire bag, but also made many new friends. We also discovered that elevators can get very hot when there are a lot of people in them...common sense, wouldn't you think?

God also showed me a verse from Isaiah 6:7-8: "Look. This coal has touches your lips. Gone your guilt, your sins wiped out. And then I heard the voice of the Master; 'Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?' I spoke up, 'I'll go. Send me'!" I could not have asked for a more clear sign, I am willing to go where ever God calls, but the question is where is that? I hope to find out more pieces to the puzzle of my life as the summer progresses.